I Don't Know What to Do with My Anger and How to Fix It!

Oct 7, 20243 min read

Anger is Sudden, Unpredictable and Devastating

Overwhelmed anger can be a powerful and intense emotion that often feels uncontrollable, impacting relationships, work, and personal well-being. In therapy, understanding and managing overwhelming anger typically involves several key insights and approaches:

1. Understanding the Source of Anger

Anger is often a secondary emotion, masking underlying feelings like fear, frustration, hurt, or helplessness. Therapy helps explore these deeper emotions, uncovering root causes such as unresolved trauma, unmet needs, or chronic stress.

2. Identifying Anger Triggers

Therapy assists in identifying situations, people, or thoughts that trigger anger. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward gaining control over them.

3. Anger Management Techniques

Various strategies can be employed in therapy to manage anger:

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: These help recognize anger as it arises and ground yourself before it escalates. Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can calm the body's response to anger.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT involves challenging and reframing irrational or negative thought patterns that fuel anger, promoting healthier thinking and more constructive behaviors.
Emotional Regulation Techniques: Approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offer tools for managing intense emotions through skills like distress tolerance and emotion regulation.

4. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Perspective on Anger

From an IFS lens, anger may be a protective part that shields deeper pain or vulnerability. Therapy helps in understanding this protective part and healing the wounded parts beneath it, often leading to a softening of intense anger.

5. Managing Anger in Relationships

Therapy can teach communication strategies, like using "I" statements, active listening, and setting healthy boundaries. Learning to express frustration without escalating into anger is vital for maintaining healthy relationships.

6. Building Tolerance for Discomfort

Anger often responds to discomfort or frustration. Learning to tolerate emotional discomfort through mindfulness, assertiveness training, or body awareness can reduce the reliance on anger as a coping mechanism.

7. Self-Compassion and Healing

Therapy fosters self-compassion, helping individuals view anger as part of their emotional landscape without judgment. Healing involves understanding this part of yourself while working toward positive change.

8. When Anger is Linked to Trauma

For individuals with unresolved trauma, therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can process traumatic memories, reducing emotional responses like anger. Trauma-informed therapy provides a safe space to explore past pain and release stored emotional tension.

Actionable Steps in Therapy:

Anger Journaling: Track anger episodes to identify patterns and underlying emotions.
Grounding Techniques: Practice grounding exercises to stay calm in moments of intense anger.
Set Realistic Expectations: Adjust expectations that may be contributing to frustration and anger.

References:

Beck, A. T. & Alford, B. A. (2009). Depression: Causes and Treatment. University of Pennsylvania Press.
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Borders, A., Earleywine, M., & Jajodia, A. (2010). Could mindfulness decrease anger, hostility, and aggression by decreasing rumination? Aggressive Behavior, 36(1), 28-44.
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT® Skills Training Manual. Guilford Press.
Salsman, N. L. & Linehan, M. M. (2006). Dialectical behavior therapy for emotion dysregulation. In Current psychiatry reports, 8(1), 66-72.
Schwartz, R. C. & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Goulding, R. A., & Schwartz, R. C. (1995). The Mosaic Mind: Empowering the Tormented Selves of Child Abuse Survivors. W. W. Norton & Company.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.